Sunday, March 8, 2009

Stinkin Radiohead

Dear Miley,

I have to thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Just when I think I can’t go on anymore… you know with all the practical exams, record submissions, obese advertisement teachers who think they have won a couple of Cannes Lions and good old 5000 word thesis papers which show no signs of progress…. Just then you do something life saving like THIS!

Miley Cyrus Has Beef With Radiohead

By Jocelyn Vena (

Miley Cyrus can probably meet anyone she wants to these days. She has a hit TV show, a few hit movies under her belt, and she is the face of the Disney Teen Queen generation.

But there is one group of guys that aren't having any of it: Despite Miley's best efforts last month at the Grammy Awards to get some face time with Radiohead, she failed miserably.

"I'm like, these are the people I really want to meet," Miley said on the Johnjay and Rich morning radio show on Tuesday. "I'd freak out. They're my rock gods. These are the only people I would cry over."

The 16-year-old pop star tried to use her people to make it happen when they were all at the February 8 awards show. "[I told my manager], 'Pull as many strings.' My manger asked and said, 'Miley's really obsessed.' And they were like, 'We don't really do that.' "

Her disappointment was especially hard because "they're the reason I love music," she said. "Just to say you don't really do that - it's not like I was going to bring my crew. I had already texted all my friends that my life will be complete [if I got to meet them].

"We were all freaking out," she recalled, saying their snub was "obnoxious." "This is someone I would cry over."

Devastated, Cyrus didn't even stick around to see Thom Yorke and crew perform during the show. "I left 'cause I was so upset. I wasn't going to watch. Stinkin' Radiohead!" she said. "I'm gonna ruin them, I'm going to tell everyone."

WTF? GASP! * Where’s my inhaler, someone hand me my inhaler… Fast. *
How dare t(he)y? Not meet you? What were they thinking huh? You’re Miley slut-in-the-making Cyrus for Pete’s sake. You are the epitome of good music. That song they kept playing on radio ‘whatsitsnameseventhingsomething’… your vocal abilities really came through eh! Fabulous work girl. I mean am sure Disney has absolutely no post redcording work and tweaking after you’re done.. err. Singing? is it? I must humbly add that there have been times during which I have been dying with a soar throat and I have sounded better in the shower than what you generally sound like on your TV show… you know the one in which you secretly transform into a “rockstar” with a cheap wig and finest hooker-wear ever. And THAT pretensions British bastard? Thom Yorke is it? I am flabbergasted by his behavior! They are your rock gods eh? Creep is a really cool song no? Maybe they are just not used to having 16-year-old American prostitutes jumping excitedly with arms flapping and tits bouncing in their face as they yell and manage to text message, OMG, OMG, OMG x 10’289’69 times all at once. It’s not your fault pimpkin.

Also, too bad they have some sense self-respect and integrity! “Pull as many strings as you can”? Seriously? For someone who is really “obsessed” with a band like Radiohead you should be aware that these guys are not the types who will serenade you with covers of your own brilliantly written and composed songs on your shit-sixteen because your equally shitty and washed out daddy-dearest payed them to. I think it’s obvious that all the band members share a dislike for Fake Plastic teenwhores who disguise themselves as musicians and sell themselves on water bottles, clothes, lunch-boxes, hairbrushes, toothbrushes, ass-brushes, dog-food, cat deodorant et al.

This should have actually been a No Suprises –esque moment..(if you know what I mean.)

They are the reason a lot of us love music you know. Why don’t you show us that you love music sometimes, there are several things you could do, like:

a) Stop singing
b) Stop singing
c) Disappear completely
d) Stop singing
e) Stop singing


f) Stop singing

You texted all your friends! Damn, what are they going to think of you now Miley. That you area a lying show –off who just makes up tall tales? Shit, that’s gonna be really sad. They will stop being friends with Ms. Popstar who get them into any shit Hollywood bash they want.
Maybe daddy should fly your therapist in to help you cope with your post- Radiohead doesn’t give a rats ass about me Depression.
Maybe you could write about how you handled the situation with so much dignity and grace and how your faith never faltered in these testing times in you next autobiography which will release next year… when you are seventeen.

Awww…you poor little slut! Radiohead makes you cry! Those big bad rockstars! I agree they are obnoxious too, those British bastards. See, something we both agree on. But then again I and a billion other fans wouldn’t respect them 1/10th of how much we respect them now if they weren’t obnoxious enough to not go around posing as playthings for little slutty pop - princesses such as your self. So here are a few words of consolation to help you get through (It is also a slogan of an AIDS campaign a friends and I came up with it) DEAL WITH IT!

And you didn’t stick around to see them perform eh? Wow! You have some courage girl. I bet Thom and Greenwood threw this huge tantrum backstage when they heard that you didn’t stay for their performance. They absolutely refused to go on stage and give that brilliant performance unless they see you placing your sweet ass on the chair you were allotted. Oh lord; I wonder how they will live this down? Miley Cyrus walked out on their performance.
I also think you should know that more than 3/4th of the people I know who watched the shitty Grammy’s this year watched it only for Radioheads performance.

You didn’t see Radiohead perform! * points index finger at Miley * HA HA! Loser!

The funniest part is the “ I am going to ruin them” part. Yes, Miley. I believe you… and I also believe you have it in you to accomplish it… No, I am serious… I am not laughing maliciously, that’s just my dog. I can see the headlines.

Miley Cyrus’s latest sex video is more downloaded then Radiohead’s _______________________ ( fill in blank with their latesht video) by America’s most wanted Pedophiles.

You can do it girl!

Sure you can tell everyone… everyone will include you little fan following who look like replicas of you a.k.a teenage prostitutes. And maybe daddy dearest! Trust me they will help you bring down one of the best bands in the motherfucking univesrese.

Stinkin Radiohed : p

On the bright side, your little incident inpired me to do the Facebook graffiti thing again, did it for Polson… who is destined to be the man who will touch Thom Yorke
Here it is:

Now, scamper away… go take your I-Phone and click pictures of yourself naked or take your clothes off and dance in some Hollywood club drunk or whatever else you Disney sluts do.

Love (NOT)



(to the few priveleged people who read my blog : i noticed sakkath spelling and grammatical errors and typos... DEAL WITH IT! i am too sombheri to change it)


Parnika said...

"DEAL WITH IT" more the sacred reaches new levels of relevance!
I would actually respect Radiohead more if they refused to meet me...even if I do become a Nobel winning whatever. Just shows they're not in it for the sell-out-ness and I am! :D The 15 Steps Grammy Video shall be watched in repeat this afternoon!
Cyrus should see this and burst out into more alligator would be so worth 18 minutes of Disney channel news!

Sudeeptha said...

ooh yeah! wtf is right
watte stoopid blond bitch!

i can see u express thy love for radiohead so very intensely here :D

oh somebody show this to slutty cyrus! it'l be so funny to see her expression!

keep the shite up somberi

Bleh said...

That last part sounds really perv... and I've mentioned the -esqueness to you already and I have nothing else to say as I have lost the will to live. Tsk...tsk.

Sydney Pearce Davud said...

Sydney Pearce Davud said...

Sorry, just love the way they scream "It's Miley!" on The Soup. They belt everyone with that voice!

Oh, and Miley.

You're what, 16? I'm a reasonable man, so I'll get off your case.
But you must know 5 things first.
1. You are Disney's bitch.
2. Thus, Radiohead quite possibly hate you.
3. I say "quite possibly hate", because to say they hate you would mean they actually think about you, and they're too busy saving the music world to do that.
4.You are the reason the music world needs saving.
5. Do you see where I'm going with this?

Sydney Pearce Davud said...

"I am not laughing maliciously, that’s just my dog." = Best Line EVER

I am destined to touch Thom Yorke's fingers. Or die.

blah! said...

@ par and su:Miley Cyrs is eedyut - glad point made.

@ Jinks : aye... bitch! life is not there anymore to live.. washte! and I am perv... But Miley Cyrus is not my type.. Sweet is :P

@ Polson:I love The soup.. Joel is the beshtest! it stopped coming no?

Anonymous said...


Neil said...

ha ha...
I hate miley.. Radiohead is so-so

not bad, that was looong.. and fuck! you've improved. I must put up some of your English Writing class assignments.

and give me your number, need to talk. Got a surprise for you ;)

blah! said...

@ Neil - NO.